That was the most interesting and unexpected walk I have ever been on...
Sure, it started out awkward...
"So what do you think of this weather?"
Thank you...for just talking...
In some odd way, that felt more like two friends reconnecting after not seeing each other in years than his ex and his current girl trying to bridge that horrid gap between them...
In all honesty, I set out to let you have it, to rip into about how your assumptions and preceptions of me are hurtful and untrue and how you need to stop telling others how awful he and I are...
But instead...we just...talked...about lots of things...
It was entertaining to see how much we have in common...rather strange in a way as well...I've never known anyone else to get as distracted as I do when walking through the trails...or to enjoy puns like I do...hmm...
That's what You wanted, wasn't it, Abba? You wanted the two of us to see what we had in common, to not let the past get in the way of what we thought of each other.
Well, from my point of view, it worked.
And whatever magic You worked over us on our walk continued during the choir concert...it was rather fun when we were able to joke back and forth...I enjoyed the surprised looks on a couple peoples' faces as well...haha...
Didn't expect that, did you?
I hope this lasts...and honestly, I think I may ask her to go on a walk with me again...another thing we had in common was liking to take long walks and just see where our feet would take us...but not having many people who had the time or patience to do so with us...and neither of us really wanted to go alone...plus...we could get to know each better...
I think that's been the problem all along...we don't really know each other...and in all honesty, I would like to remedy that situation...
Random add in: something else I'd like to remedy...learning swordplay...it's so fascinating and daring...I've always wanted to learn...even though there's not much place for it in these times...still...so awesome!!! I guess this was brought on by seeing the 3 Musketeers with everyone last night...watching D'Artagnan totally pwn the soldiers was just epic...wish I could be like that...but no...hmm...
Anyway....
Back to the walk and talk...
I was worried about bringing up the original topic before we got back...but I just felt this peace, like I didn't need to worry about it...and yes, I have checked what you said about it...and it's already looking up...
*sigh of relief*
Does this mean my rollercoaster is going uphill now, Abba? Or do I need to pull a D'Artagnan and fight off 40 soldiers after getting shot in the arm...?
It's looking like an uphill kind of day...
Mhm...
My dearest Chrissi:
ReplyDelete*facepalm*
I say this in the most respectful manner, yet leave it to him to take metaphors and things I never adhered to you personally and give them to you as assumptions.
You pained me /because/ of him, not you, I said nothing about you to anyone other than it hurt to see you together, others said things to me. Who knows, maybe I added a word or two out of hurt when it was brought up.
I saw you in choir and only told my 'big sis' about who you were; I wanted you to have a fair chance in the music department. If anything, I thought you a victim. I was worried you didn't know who he really was. I thought you considered me some sort of monster as well and indeed, you brought back memories.
...and I had wondered that day if I would be ripped into. I hadn't forgotten so much of him that I wouldn't know how maimed my words would become. I know I said some things that were nasty perceptions; yet those I knew were irrational, I got them out on paper, I let them die there. I never said anything. I thought you may have considered me the monster.
...I just can't believe he would tell you what I blogged. How could any benefit come of that? I'm sorry if anything I said out of pain hurt you, it wasn't meant to... and I'll bet he overlooked all the times I wanted to protect you.
Ha, one day shortly before this I accidentally sat down the table from him. After my surprise that the place setting two people down was his I realized you were working and frantically hoped that you wouldn't be hurt by the situation of me being so close. A bit irrational, but that's where my mind was.
I will admit, after that walk I was wondering what the two of you had planned to gain from that, it took me a while to get over him spoiling you for me and let you be on your own in my mind. I think that's what we needed. To know each other outside of him.
I was too frightened of thinking ill of you to try. You didn't deserve bad thoughts and I didn't want to jump to conclusions about every little thing, so I chose to know nothing.
You chose the opposite.
and for that I'm grateful.
...and I, too, loved the surprised looks.
I didn't expect it, but I had hoped for it eventually.
My dear Lindsay:
ReplyDeleteAt the time, I knew none of this. I only knew what I was hearing and it wasn’t just him. Others seemed to enjoy telling me all about how you felt about us...and because I did not yet truly know you, I had no idea what was true or false.
Thank you for giving me that fair shot…I was worried about treading on your territory, so to speak, when it came to the music department. But have no fear, I have never been a victim when it comes to him. I’ve known him since I was in second grade. I pretty much watched him grow up. I know exactly who he is and still love him wholeheartedly.
That was my whole intention that day. I was tired of hearing all the junk. So I set out to confront you and let me tell you, I was shaking because I was so terrified. I am not a confrontational person at all. But I knew it was necessary…yet I did not know that God had other things in mind that day. I think…no, I know…that was the day I started to hope we could be friends.
The only reason he told me is because he wanted to protect me if anyone were to say anything to me. He wouldn’t let me read anything. Little did he know that my natural curiosity would get the best of me and I would sneak the address off his computer. I only wanted to know what you thought, since I couldn’t ask you myself (yet). I hope you can forgive me for invading your privacy. I did always take note of when you would apologize or take back what you had said. I appreciated it…thank you…
I remember him telling me you ended up a couple seats away. I actually laughed because I thought it served him right for not paying attention. I still think he needs to confront the whole issue of what happened between you two (and I think I’m wearing him down).
Asking you to go on that walk was all my idea. Once I told him about it, he said to go for it because it would be good for me. So I did…and I’m glad I did
I’m afraid he spoiled you for me for a time. I wanted nothing to do with you and wanted you to just disappear. But once I got over that ridiculous idea, I realized what I needed was to know who you truly were…not just what I had heard. My determination and stubbornness are wonderful qualities from my German heritage and I must say they helped me greatly in this situation. I had decided not to give up until I knew you…actually, honestly knew you. And I believe, especially after this past weekend, that I am starting down that path. I am quite excited