Time is just disappearing...flying away from me...

Wow...

Didn't realize it had been so long since I wrote on here...

There's been so much going on!

I started my job last week and work Monday-Friday so that's eating up some of my extra time. And then I have powderpuff on Wednesday nights. Last week, our team was trampled. But tonight we actually got a touchdown! And almost had two more. So yeah...

Tonight I got an email from two doctors that work in Cook Center (the nursing school here). They asked if I was interested in being their Harvester Worker and when i could come in to talk to them. It's not my ideal placement but I'll take anything. If I get that job, then my total hours a week will come to 15.5 which is enough to make my payments every month, provided I don't use any of it for anything else... *sigh* .....wait....I just did the math...right now, I'm due to get $524 a month...I need $369 each month for my payment...HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and if I get the Harvester job...then that should be anywhere from an extra $90-$200 a month....WHOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Abba....
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!!!!


I never doubted You for a second...sure, I was getting a little anxious...wondering when things would start falling into place...You sure like to keep me waiting *grins*but it's always worth it in the end...


.........*happy sigh*.......


that just took a HUGE weight off my shoulders...


This past week and a half has been so stressful...have had a pile of homework, a very sick roommate, a seriously screwed up phone, and the added stress of a new job. Plus our first choir concert is this coming Sunday so I've been pushing myself to memorize those songs...I own those songs!!!! *sigh* oh well...it will all be over soon...my pile of homework is going down, i should be getting my new phone in the next couple of days, my roommate is starting to get better, I'm getting used to my job, and after sunday, the concert will be over *sigh of relief* I feel like Tiana, from Princess and the Frog..."Oh, I'm alllllmoooooost there!!!!!!!!"


So close...


But I know You will be right beside me every step of the way, Abba...You haven't left me yet...I don't even want to think about where I would be without You here with me...


.......it would NOT be pretty....


*sigh*...


Ach...so tired...and I have my first science exam tomorrow...I do not feel prepared at all. The prof told us last week that, based on the scores from the last quiz, NONE of us are going to pass the exam. Yeah...way to instill confidence in us, Prof.....Jerk.

I really need to end this post and go study so I can at least get a C...I have to pass this class and keep my GPA up or I'll lose most of my scholarship money...and my grade has already dropped to a C just from my quiz scores...this exam is going to have a huge impact...ugh...I REALLY wish i didn't have to take this stupid class...bleck...


Goodnight...I'll try to start back up on my posting every day...or at least more often...


Goodnight, world...

Such a helpless feeling...

My sister broke her wrist last week. The doctors gave her a temporary wrist wrap to support it until she could get in to have a plaster cast put on it.

Yesterday she went in to get the plaster cast put on. The doctors had to put her under to do it. All I can picture is my little sister (she's not quite ten) being drugged so they can reset her wrist. She was probably so scared. She's not even 10! I wish I could've been there for her. I wish I could've sat next to her and held her hand and told her everything was going to be fine. Oh, my brave little girl. I wish I could be there when she wakes up and hold her. Good grief, I miss her. I miss them all.

Hello, homesickness. Long time, no see.

I have to go home this weekend. I just have to. I'm going to do whatever it takes. I'll find the money, even if I have to ask a million people for a $1 loan. I'll drive as far as I can and walk the rest of the way. It's been almost a month since I've seen my family. And I probably won't see them again until fall break at the earliest.

My mind has been sorta blank all day...but seeing you sent this song running through my head

"Tangled Up In You"
         By Staind

 You're my world
The shelter from the rain
You're the pills
That take away my pain
You're the light
That helps me find my way
You're the words
When I have nothing to say

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

You're the fire
That warms me when i'm cold
You're the hand
I have to hold as I grow old
You're the shore
When I am lost at sea
You're the only thing
That I like about me

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you

How long has it been
Since this storyline began
And I hope it never ends
And goes like this forever

In this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
Tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you
Still tangled up in you

Mein Engel (aka The Runaways)

Mein Engel

Stephan:

             The night was very cold. December nights were always cold but this one seemed especially frigid. Thick clouds hung in the black sky, shutting out the moonlight. The darkness was so deep that even the shadows had shadows. A fierce wind had torn through the trees earlier but once night had settled, it ceased. Everything was quiet. The whole world seemed to be holding its breath…as if it knew what was to happen tonight.

            I knew.

            It was my fault, my doing.

            And I was going to fix it.

            I hurried to the great oak tree in the center of the grove, dashing from shadow to shadow, hiding in the deepness that filled the forest. All the home trees surrounding the great oak were quiet, filled with the sleeping bodies of my people. They didn’t matter to me anymore. Only she did…and the little one. They were why I ran in the darkness.

            The world was still silent when I reached the base of the great oak. High up in the branches sat three nests situated close together, each a separate room of a greater house. The giant globes were woven from green branches and tall meadow grass. The largest was suspended between the two thickest branches and was big enough to hold at least a platoon of soldiers. The other two nests were smaller in size and set on either side of the main nest.  Rolling my shoulders, I glanced at the smallest nest above me. It was placed in the crook of a branch about 5 spears high. No, the sound of my wings would draw attention. I would have to climb.

            As quiet as the mist covering the moor, I scaled the tree, coming to rest under the branch that supported her home. Inside I could hear voices; one was hers, etched with anxiety. The other was that of her closest friend, Alese. Good, Alese was there. She would help her…I hope.

            I whistled three short notes that told her I was there. Her answering whistle sounded and I swung myself up through the opening into the nest. There she stood, green eyes blazing as if preparing for a fight. Her prized bow and a full quiver of arrows were strapped to her back and her throwing daggers were in their holsters at her sides. With her long, dark red hair tied back at the base of her neck with a piece of leather, she looked every bit the fierce fighter I knew her to be.

            “Stephan, quit staring at me like a love struck peacock! There is no time to waste!” she snapped at me, hands on her hips. I could help but to grin at the sight, which only made things worse. “Stephan! Please tell me you’re going to take this seriously!”

            I snapped back to the situation, surprised I’d been able to push it from my mind for even a second. “Of course I’m taking this seriously, Tasha,” I said to her, “You just create quite a picture sometimes.”

            “Hmph, well, quit worrying about my picture. If we don’t hurry, there won’t be a picture left…of any of us,”

            The truth of her words hit me hard. This was it. If we don’t pull this off, our lives are over. She’ll be killed for committing treason, the worst crime in griffin society. And I’ll be killed for kidnapping the princess even though Tasha is the one who has planned our whole escape. She wants to go. Anyone in his or her right mind would see that, would understand why. Who wouldn’t if your father was König of all Griffins, a man with great power and a knack for always getting what he wants. A man who wants his only daughter to find a suitable mate so that when (if) he dies, she can ascend to his throne and lead the griffin people to victory over the other Ancient races in the battle for unbelievable power. Yeah, no pressure or anything. One can only imagine what he would say if he knew his daughter had fallen for me, a man with no parentage, considered “unfit” for warrior status, a man who had actually undergone training of the highest kind behind his back to become a great warrior. Imagine if he knew his daughter had secretly married this “unfit” man and had given birth to his child, a beautiful little girl, the future heir to the crown. And all this took place while the König was away at a conference with the leaders of the other three Ancient races. Yeah, he wasn’t going to be happy when he returned.
            “Prinzessin, if you are sure you want to live with this man and keep this child then you must hurry!” the sound of Alese’s voice brought me out of my thinking. “A messenger arrived this morning, bringing news of your father’s rapid return. If there is to be any chance of you surviving this escape, then you must leave now!” Alese whispered fervently. No argument there. Tasha glanced at me then shared a long look with her best friend, her right hand. She nodded.

            “We must hurry. The night will not last forever.” Tasha picked up her rucksack and threw it to me before turning to the bundle of fur on the bed. Stretching out a long finger, she stroked the soft cheek of our little girl, sleeping in the cocoon. “Sleep well, my angel. Soon we shall be free. Then you’ll be able to spread your wings and fly without fear.” Her eyes glistened as her voice broke on the last word. Fear was not something a griffin warrior, especially a warrior princess should feel. Squeezing her eyes shut, she breathed in and I saw her lips move as if she were praying. Then her bright green eyes found my brown and her entire stance changed. Scooping up the bundle of fur, she tied it to her so that it seemed like she was cradling our baby girl.

            Turning to Alese, she said, “You have been my best friend, my closest companion. I will miss you terribly and I pray that our ancestors will keep you safe from my father’s wrath.” She placed her fist over her heart and bowed, the customary way of acknowledging an honored warrior. “It has been my greatest honor to fly with you, Alese of Tahn,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

            “As it has been my greatest honor to fly with you, Natasha, Prinzessin der Greife. May fair winds always find you,” Alese replied, using Tasha’s full title.

            A sad smile filled with a thousand memories spread across Tasha’s lips as her gaze locked with Alese’s. Hope hid at the corner of her eyes as Tasha wondered if she would ever see her best friend again but then reality set in and chased that hope away. By marrying me and having my child, Tasha had exiled herself from our people. She would not see Alese ever again…unless she repented of her transgressions, which she would never do.  Turning to me, she hid her pain under a smooth mask of calm.

            “Let’s go,” she said. I nodded then swung myself out of the nest, her pack and mine slung across my back. I dropped to the earth, landing on my feet. Tasha jumped down beside me. Holding a finger to her lips, she motioned towards the west. She turned and ran, so fast the shadows could not catch up to her. I followed, glancing in every direction, watching for any sign of movement. We ran in silence, not letting words distract us. Suddenly, Tasha froze.

            “What is it?” I asked.

            “My father,” she whispered, the terror evident in her voice, “He’s almost here.”

            Fear, that terrible monster, took hold of my heart with its icy claws. I didn’t even stop to think how she knew. “We must hurry then. If he catches us, it will be the end of all our lives.” I choked out. We had to survive. I could not let my Tasha or my daughter die because of me. “Come on!” I cried, grabbing her hand and pulling her after me.

            And we ran.

            We ran as fast as we could. I’m not sure for how far or how long. I only know we ran. The freezing cold didn’t bother us anymore. We were too terrified. The trees almost seemed to leap out of our way as we sprinted by. Nothing was going to get in our way. Nothing except for the man we were running from.

            After some time, the part of my brain not concentrating on moving my legs as fast as they could go noticed that the trees were thinning out. I was not sure how long it had been since we’d left the village for time had passed like seconds yet hours to me. Ahead I could see pale pinks showing through the dark browns and greens of the forest foliage. I realized we must be getting closer to the edge of the forest. Soon we’d be able to take to the skies. I glanced at Tasha and saw relief floating across her face as she realized we were almost free. Faster still we ran; how that was possible I have no idea. The trees fell away, ending in a huge span of waving golden grass that met the horizon. The sky, colored in shades of pink and lavender, stretched out over our heads. Over the edge of the earth, the yellow sun began its climb into the atmosphere.

We didn’t even bother slowing down; with a shake of our shoulders, our wings were extended and we soared into the air. The air stream whistling across the meadow caught us and tossed us higher into the clouds. Feathers rustled as we pushed our wings up and down with all our might, trying to gain as much power and speed as possible. We raced higher and higher until we broke through the cloud field. Only then did we slow down; even then, it was marginally. Still grasping Tasha’s hand, I angled us in a westerly direction. Only then did I glance at her. She returned my gaze. At first, I thought I saw regret in her eyes and I could feel my heart start to tear apart but then she smiled. Her grin was so full of peace and relief that I found myself smiling back at her.

“We’re free,” she whispered in awe, as if she couldn’t believe it was true.

I nodded. The realization finally hit me.

“Yes, we are,” I answered.

            Her smile only grew larger and she squeezed my hand tightly. I squeezed her hand in return then faced the now bright blue horizon ahead, wondering where the wind would take us yet not really caring because this was it.
            We were free.

Alese:

             I watched out the nest opening as my best friend and the warrior she loved ran for their lives. Galfridus might be the all-knowing König of all griffins but he had no idea his greatest betrayal would be committed by his own daughter. She would make a glorious Königin one day, if she survives. Even though she’s his only heir, Galfridus would not hesitate to end her life for such duplicity. Ruler first, father later. Much later.

            Gods, I hope they make it.

            I stared out into the darkness, debating the possibilities of Tasha and Stephan surviving. A pessimistic habit, I know, but when one is the captain of strategy for the König, that just can’t be helped. From what I could assess of the situation, their chances were slim but if nothing slowed them down…well then, they could be free. I sighed, a wish to follow them sneaking into my heart. But I couldn’t…

            A snap of a twig brought me out of my musings. A man I knew well appeared out of the shadows of the towering trees. His shoulder length jet black hair was pulled back into his usual ponytail. His eyes were focused on the base of the great oak but I could picture perfectly the piercing eyes the color of winter ice. He walked towards the base of the great oak and I shrunk back into Tasha’s nest, praying he didn’t see.

            “Ah, Kagan,” said a voice, the very voice I’d dreaded to hear, “I pray you brought me the traitors?”

            “I’m afraid, mein Lüttich, that they had too much of a head start. I was not able to catch them before they disappeared. All I found was this at the edge of the forest,” Kagan, Galfridus’ right hand man, replied, speaking in a low voice full of wary reverence. I peeked over the opening’s edge to see what he held in his hand. A feather

            One of Tasha’s feathers.

            Oh, no.

            Galfridus growled, “Well, they can’t fly forever. We’ll find them.”
            “Yes, mein Lüttich,” Kagan murmured as he bowed.            

            Oh, gods. Oh, no.

            “Oh, and Alese?”
            Gulp.

            “I hope you don’t know anything about Natasha’s treachery. Or you’ll die right alongside her and that filth she’s run away with,” Galfridus called up to me, his gravelly voice sending chills down my spine.

            Ah, hell.

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: This is my short story that has been published in the actual TeenInk magazine and has now been voted #1 in the Most Recently Submitted category on TeenInk.com four times. It's actually the prologue to a more in depth story...that I have yet to have written....yeah...working on that. Anyways...the foreign words used in this story are actual German terms because I envisioned this story to be taking place in a forest much like Germany's Black Forest. So here are the translations for you non-German speakers (shame on you!)

Mein Engel - my angel
König - King
Prinzessin - Princess
Prinzessin der Greife - Princess of the Griffins
Königin - Queen
mein Lüttich - my liege

So, there you go! Yes, I am going to start working on the rest of the story and if I'm blessed enough, maybe someday this will be in print *grins* we'll see...anyways...hope you enjoyed!

The What Ifs

The human mind is almost incapable of believing what they see. Instead, a normal human being chooses to believe what they know…or at least think they know. Yet sometimes the human mind is presented with such solid proof that something unbelievable, unrealistic even, is actually completely and utterly true.  Like that story about the two girls. They both went to the restroom in a public place. One finished before the other and went outside to wait right by the door. The other girl finished and walked out of the stall to find a strange woman standing right in front of her with a dazed look upon her face. She abruptly turned around and walked out of the room. The girl outside swore no one had entered or exited the restroom since she took up her post. There were no windows and no one else was using the facilities at the time. The strange woman had literally appeared out of nowhere and then disappeared into thin air. People say that’s impossible; it could never happen.

                But what if it did? What if all that we believed to be imaginary, all that we’ve denied over time was actually real? What if that was the real world and the life that we’re living is the lie, the story?

                Guess what, my friends. The “what ifs” win.

You see…I was the girl. The girl who walked out of the bathroom stall to see a strange woman staring. She looked rather odd. Her hair was a grubby brown, twisted back into a mess of a braid. Eyes the color of a stormy sky searched my face, as if looking for some sort of proof or clue. A sharp scar cut from the certain of her hairline through the middle of her left eyebrow and stopped just before her ear. It was healed but not too old…the skin was still fairly puckered. She wore a tattered sundress over a pair of holey sweatpants. Filthy tennis shoes adorned her feet. She stood hunched over, as if the weight bearing down upon her shoulders was too much for her to handle. I was in shock. Here was this woman I’d never seen before in my life simply staring at me as if I was the one who wasn’t real. Yet I felt drawn to this woman…as if she were important, maybe not what she seemed. But before I could open my mouth and ask her any sort of question, she nodded slightly then turned and walked away. I merely blinked and she was gone. I thought maybe I’d imagined her. Reading so many fantasy and mystery novels can really make one’s imagination run wild. After probing my friend Maehen about the strange woman and hearing her tell me over and over that no one had entered or exited that restroom the entire time she had stood outside the door, I tried to convince myself that I had imagined the woman. But something in my heart wouldn’t let me forget her. A tiny voice in the back of my mind whispered that I’d understand someday.

I just didn’t realize that day was today.

Author's Note: This is my most recently accepted short story to TeenInk. It's actually an old story of mine that I updated. Turned out better than I thought! *smiles*

Bittersweet memories...

I thought I saw a ghost today,

Wandering down the halls.

It awoke bittersweet memories

Of what was – not so long ago.

The sight of it caused

My soul to weep just like before

As I watched the ghost of you

Leave me alone once more.

---------------------------------------------

That song came on the radio,

The one you used to sing to me.

Instantly my memories

Broke the wall I’d built to keep them

Locked in the darkest corner of my mind.

Images of you, of you and I

Flooded my mind.

Even though my eyes were open,

You were all I could see.

I squeezed my eyes shut

And pressed my hands over my ears

But nothing could chase away

The bittersweet echo of your laughter.

Goosebumps spread up and down my arms

As your phantom hands caressed my skin.

I began to shake, but I couldn’t shake away

Your memory.

Why do you haunt me so?

You’re gone; it’s over

Yet I still wake up with the warmth of your hand

Resting softly in mine.

You walked away but the memories of us

Still live inside my head.

----------------------------------------------

In the moonlight under the willow tree

The two of us met, my true love and me.

The shadows from me his sweet face hid

Though closer still to him he did me bid.

In his arms, I felt safer than at home,

Never ever had I any urge to roam.

The two of us met, my true love and I

In the dark of night when the stars did sigh.

Within the absence of light we could be

Two people in love like we wanted, free

From promises we had stupidly made.

But our words are our bonds, our love must fade.

            For this moment, I can be in his arms.

            Tomorrow with a heavy heart, I’ll harm.

-----------------------------------------

Author's note: The first poem is one I wrote for my English class. The second is one I wrote to deal with something I was going through. And the third is the sonnet I wrote for my British Literature class. Again, these are some of my favorites. Though, it is my blog so I can put whatever I want on here...mwahahahahaha!

Nightmare...and Another Nightmare

I found myself standing in the middle of a dark forest. Whether it was dark due to the time of day or due to the deep, rich color of the colossal trees around me, I couldn’t be sure. Twisting around, I took in my surroundings. All around me were trees of different sorts; oaks, maples, ashes, even pine trees. Every single one was at least as tall as a skyscraper, reaching up to the heavens and blocking out any light from celestial bodies. Spread out all over the soft ground full, green bushes and vines of ivy, enough that one step could ensnare you in a leafy trap. Scattered here and there were delicate, tiny, white flowers of a variety I’d never seen. Bending to pluck one from its stem, I noticed the total silence of the wood; not even the sound of a soft breeze stirred the quiet.

            And then in a moment, that silence was shattered by the sound of heavy footsteps pounding the ground.

Turning, I saw them. Giant wolves with sleek coats of fur colored silver, ebony or chestnut and long legs stretched out over the undergrowth. Their eyes were blazing gold and each giant maw hung open in a vicious grin, as if they were excited and pleased by the hunt. Terror filled my entire being as I realized I was their prey. Spinning around, I took off in the opposite direction. I scrambled to weave my way through the emerald vines and moss that seemed to reach out and grab at my ankles, almost as if they were trying to capture me for my hunters. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice wondered why the wolves were chasing me but I ignored it and pushed myself to run faster.                                    

Out of nowhere, I heard someone calling my name.

            “Alese,” said the whisper, “Run this way, Alese.”
            I raised my head and searched the horizon before of me for the source of the whisper. That voice, it sounded so familiar. There! Ahead, I saw a figure standing in the shadow of one of the giant maple trees. Whoever it was held a lantern of some kind up high, the light blurring out their features. I didn’t care. It was someone who knew my name, who could possibly help me. I pushed myself harder, the muscles in my legs burning in protest but not giving up on me yet. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the great beasts chasing me and realized they were drawing closer. That little voice wondered yet again why they were chasing me and how did they manage to catch up so fast. The logical part of my mind argued that they were made to lope through the forest and over underbrush while I was made for walking on city streets. But the terrified part of my mind ordered both to shut up and concentrate on running.

“Hurry, Alese, they’re coming!” the voice said, no longer a whisper but an urgent plea.

Faster and faster I ran, my feet flying now over the vines extending their fingers towards my feet. But the wolves did not give up and surged after me.

“Hurry, Alese!” the voice screamed, terror now evident in its tone.

Closer. Closer still. Almost there. Then one of the creeping plants achieved its goal and wrapped itself securely around my ankle, pulling me to the ground. I tore at it, trying to rip it away. My savior was so close, just mere yards to go. The thudding of the wolves’ paws grew louder as they grew nearer and I knew it was too late. I crossed my arms over my face, trying to protect myself with what little I had. The first wolf to reach me, a giant beast with fur the color of a night sky, leaped into the air, snarling and dripping saliva from its pointed canines. I tensed, waiting to feel claws and teeth ripping at my flesh. But there was nothing.

I lowered my arms and looked around me, shocked at the complete change in surroundings. Where the forest had been dark and full of impossibly tall trees, the meadow I now occupied was more blue than green due to the wide expanse of azure sky stretching out above it. Not a single cloud spoiled the bright blue color. The sun was high in the sky and I could feel the warmth of its light on my skin but it wasn’t an uncomfortable sort of heat. I spun in circles, stretching out my arms and throwing my head back, simply enjoying the peacefulness now welling up inside me. Gone were the gigantic trees. Gone was the dark shrubbery. Gone were the tiny white flowers. Gone were the monstrous wolves that preyed upon me. Even my savior, my light, was gone. Nothing was left except the sun, the meadow, and me. And I was basking in that knowledge. I felt like nothing could hurt me here. I was finally safe.

A gentle breeze brought the scent of wildflowers to my attention. I wandered through the tall grass that bent and swayed in the waft of air, searching for the blooms. Walking over a small crest, I saw that the green grass had turned to brightly colored blossoms. A little-girl giddiness overwhelmed me and I ran, squealing, for the flowers. Gathering as many as I could in my arms at once, I inhaled their heavenly scent. Glorious. I glanced about looking for more magnificent blooms to add to my bouquet. Raising my head, I saw the most remarkable daisy I’d ever seen in my life. Numerous white petals surrounded a sunshine yellow center. The entire flower was as big as my two out-stretched hands placed next to each other. I dropped the bouquet in my arms and reached out to yank the marvelous blossom from its thick, olive stem.

Clasping it to my chest, I rubbed the soft petals against my cheek. Remembering a game I used to play as a child, I began to pluck off petals one by one, all the while saying, “He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.” Playing this game was like riding a rollercoaster. With each “He loves me”; lightness would lift your heart up to the sky. But with each “He loves me not”; a dizzying sensation would send you plummeting back to reality. I slowly worked my way around the daisy, pulling off petals and muttering the little verse. In my mind was the picture of my savior, surprisingly, as I wondered if he loved me or loved me not. I hoped he did. My hand started shaking as I got closer to the last petal, the one that would give me the final answer. Just five petals left. Now four. Now three. Just two more…and it’s…

“He loves me…not?”

Desperation stole my voice as my body shook with sobs. No. It can’t be. He has to love me. Because I love him.

            It wasn’t until those last few petals that I realized just how much I hoped for the positive outcome and why. I loved him. I loved him because he cared enough to be my light in the darkness. I loved him because he tried to save me. I loved him because he was my hero. I loved him and needed him and it wasn’t until the last petal that I understood that. And now my hope was crushed. He didn’t love me. Now, someone who thinks too much would tell me that listening to what the daisy said would be ridiculous and he could very possibly love me too. But even when I was a little girl, the word of the flower was law. Sobs shook my body as a great depression overcame me. I laid back on the wildflowers around me and cried. Tears gushed from my eyes, pouring down my cheeks and soaking my clothes. Hopelessness. Utter hopelessness. How could this happen to me? I loved him. Why didn’t he love me back? What did I do?

With my arms over my eyes and sobs wracking my body, I didn’t even realize that the swaying grass and flowers were gone; I was back home in my bed. Everything had just been a dream. 

Author's note: This was actually separated into two pieces and have been submitted and accepted to TeenInk.com. But it was the first short story I wrote and finished for my creative writing class in high school and is still one of my favorites. Hope you enjoyed it!

I miss my choir....

Tonight at Choral Union, Levitt handed out some new music...among the pieces were the Gloria Concert Choir took to contest at World's of Fun this past April and then the Domine Fili Unigenite we sang the year before that...


I sang my little heart out...


I still remembered every note, every word, every enunciation...and all the little notes and drawing Kara and I wrote in the pages of our music to help us remember...


WTDFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*grins*


Man....I'm really missing my concert choir right now...


I miss Huff's funny stories and his facial expressions and arm movements...the banter he kept up with the choir to keep us interested...


I miss sitting next to Kara and laughing about our little picture prompts....like our sniper *grins*

.....I wonder what the next person to get that piece of music will say...we didn't erase it...hehe...


I miss my blue robe...I even miss that obnoxious red stole...


Now I have to wear a black dress that makes me look like I'm attending a funeral instead of a choral concert...bleck...it doesn't even fit right...


Ach...I miss my concert choir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm so excited to go back and watch their first concert of the year...when I sat in on a session before leaving for MNU, I was quite impressed with what they'd accomplished already...but then most kids had had at least 2 years of Huff-influence...and that changes everything...


I'm so glad my brother decided to try choir this year...he loves Huff...and I think he's genuinely enjoying choir *grins*

That's my boy


*giggles*



I really need to go to bed...Concepts of Physical Science awaits at 8 o'clock...and I'm already pretty burnt out...goodnight, world...I'll see you bright and early in the morning!

Yay for the first Saturday on campus...

To quote Jacob..."That was exciting."


So...today I was supposed to spend the day with my boyfriend, frolicking at the mall and whatnot...


Instead I spent part of the morning in excruiating pain...


Yeah....


Ovarian cysts are so much fun...


But at least I was conscious for the whole thing that time...well, it's kind of a blessing...but also a curse...I was able to tell Jacob everything that was going on so he was prepared and such...but I felt every second of agonizing pain...


Ugh...


At first, the pain is okay...it's when my limbs start losing feeling that I know things are headed south....next comes the heat flashes and that's when the pain really increases....

By the time he had me back to the campus, he had to carry me to the dorms....the pain was so intense I was actually crying...I've never cried before...and then he had to put me down...he tried to get me to walk but I made it like two doors down the hall before everything went black and I collapsed...still didn't pass out though...just couldn't keep going...the pain was too great so my brain was starting to shut things down...I feel really bad that it took three different people to carry me to my room...thank you to whoever that was...

Next came the dry heaves...ugh! I apologize to my roommate...I know how she hates puke. But I didn't actually puke...just dry heave. I HATE that part...the pain is at its worst then. Plus I hate puking. I hate people seeing me puke. It was terrible. All the while, I can hear everything that's going on in the background, all the girls on their phones talking to my RA, my RE, my mom....


Argh...that's the part I hate the most...where I'm fully conscious in my head but the pain is so great that my brain has shut down almost everything else to lessen it...yeah, brain...that doesn't work...just so you know...I still feel it all...ach....

But as soon as the dry heaves were over, the pain disappeared and I was just tired...and the shakes start...I'm always so cold afterwards...as if the pain sucked all the heat out of me. But thanks to my wonderful boyfriend and all the amazing girls who helped me, I survived yet another "episode".

....that's the third one in a year.....


...they're increasing....


....I am going to ignore this fact until tomorrow so I can sleep peacefully tonight...


Though I'm honestly so worn out, I'll probably have no problems sleeping...


That's the fun part of the episode...all the sleeping I get to do...I love sleep...

After the pain had subsided and everyone realized I wasn't going to die, I was able to sleep....and sleep I did....I didn't move from my bed for nigh on three hours...well, once...to use the restroom...but still....and then when I was finally truly conscious again, I just read my book...and started another one...

Talked to my loverly aunt for a bit...filled her in on life...gave her my address...now I'm excited...hopefully that means soda cracker cookies in the mail *grins*

After that I met Jacob and we actually made our adventure to the mall...I was perfectly fine, folks, so no worries...besides, I was bored out of my mind. So away we went....we talked about my "episode". I told him that now he knows what he's getting into...and he said he's okay with that. *grins* mhm...I love him...he's my hero today *grins*


Going to the mall was fun...I've never actually walked all the way around that one before...it's HUGE!!!! But awesome...saw lots of things I'd like...like the giant Copper and Tod stuffed animals in the Disney Store...and the purple leather jacket in Forever 21 (which was only $25!!!! Eep!!!!). I also saw lots of present ideas for the future...I definitely have presents all planned out for like the next couple years...hehe...

My boyfriend got me the best book ever...a complete collection of the Grimm Brother's fairytales *grins stupidly*...i am so excited!!!!!

Anyways...hehe...

Then we went back to his dorm and watched Tobuscus videos and played SuperSmashBros with his roommate and one of their friends...yeah I am that nerdy...but it was so much fun....

Then curfew rolled around so I had to head back to the dorms and check in...got practically tackled when I walked in the door...so many people wanted to know how I was feeling...I am fine, my friends. Promise. Oh, and you who were calling me Chrissi 'Pukin' Hurd...yeah...you can shove it. It's not funny. It is an actual medical issue that I have no true control over. I have pills to take that are supposed to help but those were an hour away. So you can take your "witty" comeback and leave. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. You don't even really know me and you were telling one of my new friends all this crap that wasn't even true. Real smooth. Haha he listened to what I had to say and told you to shut up. The look on your face was priceless. But that's what you get. And thanks, my friend, for sticking up for me. You're the best. *smiles*

And now I'm just chilling with my roommate...trying to convince myself to eat something but not wanting anything we have...fail...


Oh well...I really should go to bed...I can eat when I wake up...goodnight, world...sweet dreams...

That's What She Said

Young, stable, familiar,
I'm a trophy,
A rag doll used
For his own pleasure.

That's what she said.

He loved her
As he ran from me,
She was what he wanted,
I was what he had.

That's what she said.

He never truly knew
What he wanted.
That's why he left her
To run back to me.

That's what she said.

He enjoys flaunting me
In front of her,
Twisting the knife
He appparently stabbed her with.

That's what she said.


My mind is older,
My heart is unstable,
But still I am me
And he loves me.

That's what I say.

He never truly loved her.
She was just a stand-in.
But he never meant
To hurt her in any way.

That's what I say.

He knew what he wanted
But he couldn't have it.
Tried to convince himself
She was what he needed.

That's what I say.

He never meant to hurt her
But she was not his.
I am his and he is mine,
the way God planned.

That's what I say.


What she said
And
What I say
Are
Two very different sides
Of
The same sad story.
Sadly,
We may never agree
But
I stand by what I say
And
She can choose her own way.
Then
We can part our ways
And
Live our own lives.

My legs feel like Jello....

Seeing him at chapel this morning helped....


Though I cried throughout the entire thing...between the songs they sang and Marshall's speaking...

Wow, Abba...just hit with Your love like that every day...please....it's amazing...


That was exactly what I needed...and You knew that...I cannot thank You enough....


Hearing him say he didn't want to lose me again meant the world to me...maybe that's what I was afraid of...maybe that's what's been bothering me. The last time we had a fight he said there are times when he doesn't know why he's dating me anymore. And I think that just....hurt....a lot more than I thought at first...because yeah...it hurt like hell to hear him say that in the first place...but I think the wound just festered instead of healing....but when he told me this morning that he didn't want to lose me again and wouldn't leave me....I think hearing that....just healed that wound. Sure, we still have to get used to being up here and making opportunities to see each other....but I think I'm doing better....


I just love him so gosh darn much *grins stupidly*


yes, I did just say that....get over it....it's my blog and I can say what I want...


And I just saw a preview for Lion King in 3D....totally saving up to go see that in the I-Max theater up here...it may cost me a small fortune...but totally worth it!


Ach...I am so tired!!!! My roommate and I decided to go for a walk on the trail that runs by the school....little did we know what we were getting ourselves into....it was such a beautiful day so we just walked and walked...before we knew it, we'd walked almost four miles....so we decided to turn around....


On the way back, we came around the corner and there was a fawn standing in the middle of the path....I started taking pictures with my phone but they're not very good....she let us get pretty close....and we followed her quite a distance as well....then some dogs barked at her and scared her off....but still...it was so cool....


Anyways....walking back was more of an adventure than walking away....sounds like a life lesson right there...hmm....

But now...after we trudged roughly 7 miles back to our dorm...my roommate and I collapsed....she's actually passed out on our futon right now....I, on the other hand, had the munchies....so I had to find something to eat....then decided to write this....but now, I think I'll follow her example...I don't have anything to do til 6ish...plenty of time for a nap....

Pain, without love. Pain, can't get enough. Pain, I like it rough cuz I'd rather feel pain then nothing at all....

That song lyric lies....



I'm tired of feeling pain....

Emotional, physical....any of it.....I'm tired of it...


......plugging into my headphones was not a smart idea....thank you, Taylor Swift, for ruining my pathetic attempt to start the morning off happy.....thank you for awakening the memories.....


Though it's not really Taylor's fault.....everything about this campus awakens some sort of a memory.....I didn't realize that was going to happen when I got up here....I was probably too excited to be getting out of that house finally and being able to breathe again....add that I'd be living with my best friend and my boyfriend would be right across the way? Perfection...


But not really....



I still love the school itself, even though the homework is already killing me, and I absolutely love how the campus feels like home...the freedom is unbelievable....

But I still have almost no privacy...which for the most part, I am okay with. The girls on my hall are great....we're all like long lost sisters. But when I've had a really bad headache all day and I feel sick and all I want to do is lay down on my bed and crash...but I couldn't.....because there were girls and papers strewn all over my bed...a couple girls hanging with my roommate, talking and working on homework. Well, seeing as how they were there first and they were working on stuff for school, I didn't want to be a jerk and tell them to get out. So I grabbed my book, my pillow, my mp3 player and a blanket and headed outside to find a good spot to chill. Later, I went back for my sketch book and Sharpies. They weren't there anymore. But I didn't feel like moving back inside...it was too pretty outside. Plus, out there I could be alone...sure, I had a couple drop by to say hi and ask what I was doing...but for the most part, I was left to myself. It was glorious.

I ended up falling asleep at some point...next time thing I knew, I was checking my phone and an hour had passed...my face had an imprint on it from laying on my book....


I put my things away and glanced out the window to see him building a sandcastle....the adult side of my brain looked at him and thought he was being ridiculous and obsessive....but I went out to see him...I sat and watched him....made faces of my own....looked up in time to see her walk by....


That was the end of my sand playing,.....seeing her brought back all the memories of last fall when all he seemed to talk about was making sandcastles with a group of friends...and how one night, it was so cold and she got him this goofy looking sweater to wear and took a picture and sent it to me. I wondered at the time if that's what she was thinking of...if she was seeing him build another sandcastle and remembering that one....after seeing her, that's what i was thinking of....I even had to make the excuse of going to the bathroom so he wouldn't see me start crying....thinking about last fall hurts....because that's when he was drifting away and I didn't even know why because he wouldn't ever tell me....just thinking about it is making me cry again....and shake....i'm making so many typos and having to retype.....have to leave for class soon....and I don't want to go....


All I can think about is him and how it feels like we're drifting apart again.....and I don't even know why.....or how to fix things.....I'm working on my temper and trying so hard not to take my stress out on him....all I really want to do is spend time with him....alone....

I just want to go for walks, or eat a meal together, or run to the store....just something that's me and him....


It doesn't have to be something big....just something...


He says we won't get to see each other every day....but I say why not? That's all we talked about all summer it seemed....how I'd be free and he'd be home and we could see each other every day, whenever we wanted. Yes, I know we each have our own schedules. His is just about to get busier because of the play, but that just means it takes more a little more effort and planning to make the time for each other....


I want to do that....


I honestly don't know what he wants....



And that's what scares me....


I'm usually so good at reading him....but not lately.....


Curse this shaking....stupid hands....type what I want you to....


And yes, I know he reads this blog and is probably going to confront me with all this...but in all honesty, it's nothing I haven't tried to tell him before....well, except the thing about her....but he doesn't like it when I bring her up....so I try not to....when I do, it just slips out....like yesterday when I mentioned that her leg does that bouncy thing that mine does....we found that out in choir yesterday....well...the girl sitting between us did hehe....I'm sorry for that, by the way....it's just sometimes it amazes me how alike she and I can be....it's kinda scary....but it just makes me even more curious about her....and since I can't talk to her....well, he's the only other one who knows her.....


So, I'm stuck....



Ach.....this is NOT how I wanted to start my morning....it was already bad enough, with that dream....


I woke up crying for the first time since February.....


But when you've been put in the role of key to the resistance (think Katniss) and while they're trying to sneak you out to a safe place, your best friend is shot to pieces right before your eyes...your mentor is captured and tortured in front of you to try to get information from you....and when you're finally rescued, it's by the person who turned you in in the first place who had to fly a plane into the building to cause a big enough distraction to steal you away.....and as you jump out of the building, a bullet finds it's way to your vertabrae, and then...you wake up.....gasping, crying, sitting up and feeling for the hole that should be in the middle of your chest....


Even a thirty mintue shower has not been enough to wash away the images from my mind....it all just felt so real....it wasn't like I was living a movie or a book....I was actually living....it was the reality....I woke up feeling remorse for losing my best friend and mentor....and mixed feelings for the man who saved me....my back hurts right on the spine between my shoulder blades as if I'd been hit there....


In that dream, I had lost everything that I held dear...my friend, my mentor, my family had been killed to get to me as well....even I'd been shot....


But why did I dream that?

I didn't watch any sort of action movie before bed...I watched Ella Enchanted with him and his roommate (hehe that was fun).....and I was reading a romance before I went to bed....the boy had finally confessed his love for the girl....

....so where did that dream come from??????



Ach....confusing....


And now....I must end this....or I'll be late to class.....

Here we go again....one more round....

It's amazing how quickly one's happiness can disappear...


One moment, I'm flying high on ecstacy for spending some actual quality time with him...walking on Cloud 9, floating on air and all the other overly used romantic cliches...


The next, I'm shoved back down to reality...to my past that keeps haunting me like a starving ghost who lives off my pain.

Curse you, Facebook, for making me relive my memories...

And thank you, ex best friend, for commenting on my picture and saying "those days are in the past and long gone..."





Your immaturity reached its peak only a couple weeks ago...



That's not that long....


Just saying....

By the way, I love how you managed to not be at church the one day I was back...yeah, I know you went to late church ( my mom told me...I'm not a stalker) but still...wow....cool story, bro...

Oh...and thanks for de-friending me on Facebook...now I don't have to read about your drama every time I check my newsfeed...I can just deal with my own...


And I'm so glad you complained about never getting to hang out with me...then brought your own little posse to MY goodbye party...yeah...that totally helped....by the way....NO YOU DID NOT ASK ABOUT HER!!!!!!!! I CHECKED THE MESSAGES BEFORE I DELETED THEM!!!!!!!!! SO YOU STARTED ALL THAT CRAP FOR NO REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*sighs*





there....


Now, I'm done....



Moving on....



I also really love how I find the perfect present for my gingerbestfriend...and tell him I got him something...but then I hear nothing but "What is it?" No "Aww thanks" or "Why?"....just a "What is it?" And then when I won't tell him, he won't reply....and then when I finally cave and tell him what it is because I realized I won't see him for a month, he replies instantly.....cool story, bro....miss you too....


Ach.........


Why'd this have to run such a good time? I shouldn't let it ruin such a good time. But I can't seem to help it. And now my stomach feels...yucky....I can't think of a better word....it's just....feels like it's rolling....like I'm going to throw up but there's nothing in there to regurgitate....bleck.....

Cue heating pad....


Ach....I better not be getting sick....I have to give a speech at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning.....ach....





.................................................





Wait.................................








Nope, the heating pad is actually helping....and so is the peppermint....hooray for home remedies......



Have you ever just wanted to type something? To tell a story, whether it be truth or ficition, and just see where it goes? I have....I do right now....it's a sudden urge, a passion that just takes hold of my imagination and runs with it...


But sadly, my energy is all gone......that high I was flying on has disappeared.....and now I'm just sinking....slowly but surely....sinking down.....down.....down......


Ach....I'm going to bed....that force we learned about today in Concepts of Physical Science is acting upon my eyelids again......goodnight all

Too beautiful of a day to stay inside...too much to do to be outside...

Abba, You have outdone yourself today...it's deliciously gorgeous outside...

I did get to enjoy while I was walking to class...

There's just something about the feel of dewy grass brushing against mybare feet that makes my insides feel all warm and fuzzy...the journey across campus to my 8 o'clock class was perfect...

I guess I did get to enjoy the weather a little today since my roommate and I played tennis...

.......that was crazy hehe.......what were we thinking? Hehe....insanity....that's what that was....but so worth it. That made what happened after doable...


Ugh...money...I hate the stupid thing. But some of it's been taken care of....by my personal guardian angel....Abba, You have blessed me so....

Just being back on campus has been wonderful...I did not realize how much I truly missed all the girls til I got back and saw them all...and I've had to spend most of my time doing homework...

Thanks, profs....for loading me up the first week....you are too kind...


On a side note: I have my speech tomorrow....goody....not looking forward to that....but at least I'll have my cheat sheet....plus it's about me....so I can't really mess it up....

Ach...speech....


On another side note: I'm really looking forward to choir tomorrow now....I want to see if things will be different now that she has confronted my existence....hmm....this whole situation is completely tv show-like....it's so overly dramatic....ach....ridiculous....but whatever....I hope we're making progress....


And I just saw we got our shower curtains back....hooray! That means I can shower!!!!!


But first, I have a trip to Kohl's and Dick's Sporting Goods with my girls and then working on that speech for the rest of the night....unless he's free for a walk tonight....Mhm....I love walking with him....just holding his hand and talking about nothing with him....Mhm....perfection....


But...first, shopping....then working on homework....must. concentrate.

Feels like Buzz Lightyear...."Strange things are happening to me...ain't no doubt about it...."

I find it interesting that two people who have such a history yet haven't ever talked to each other can finally have a conversation and the conversation itself was meaningless but the fact that the two people even had the conversation in the first place is so important.

Well...sort of...

It's important to at least at one of the people...

Meaning put aside...that was interesting...

Unexpected...


But interesting...


I honestly expected her to run...switch places quickly with someone else to put that "safe" space between us...

Or if she stayed, I expected her to ignore me, pretend I was invisible...

But no...


She took that step...made a comment...and I responded...just to see what she'd do...


She answered...in a joking manner even...




..........I wonder what ran through her head at that moment.....what emotion bubbled up inside her.....she's a better actress than I though...


I don't mean that to sound harsh.......


I just.........with all the hub-bub she makes, I figured it'd be too much for her...


But she proved me wrong....



And for that I must give her props....I'm impressed.....at least a bit...


Doesn't change the things she's said or how she's acted......


But it's a step and I applaud her for taking that step, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem...



I wonder what she's thinking now...is that scenario running through her mind like it's running through mine?


On a side note: thanks to all the sophomore girls who stole our shower curtains...you are all so kind...




Anyways...what was I talking about?

Oh yeah...

I wonder if that whole experience is haunting her...I mean...for a second, if you were someone listening in on our conversation, you would've thought we were old friends, joking about the silly little moments in choir...but in all honesty, I don't think we've ever had a conversation since I met her. It was just so...Twilight Zone-ish...


Ach...now this is going to be all I can think about...

On another sidenote: I really need to work on my shield speech...hmm...got to email that to Annie real quick...

Ach...I really want to shower right now. But then again, I don't...because then my hair color would start to fade...but then I really want to take one...it'd help me relax before bed and a very, very busy day tomorrow...ach...what to do...


I need a swimsuit...then I could take one...but nooooooo, my swimsuit is back at home...

*facepalm*



Ach....


Well....I think that's it for my mumblings for now...my mind just can't seem to wrap itself around anything else right now...


.....though my stomach is growling rather incessantly....not quite sure why...I did eat quite a lot today...hmm.....



...........Strange......


Anyways....time for food, I guess....hmm....

Like Strawberry Shortcake...but you can call me Cherry Pie

Sooooo....the brownie baking time quickly became...

Let's-dye-Chrissi's-hair-then-bake-cookies-while-dancing-around-the-kitchen-to-Disney-songs time...

*grins*

yup...that just happened...hehe

But I am okay with that...

Yeah I've been going nonstop since 7 o'clock this morning but it's been a good day...

Got to spend some time in the prescence of my Abba...went shopping for food and saw my 6th grade teacher who still managed to make an impression on me after all these years...then had a delicious dinner with my family...then made brownies...dyed my hair red *grins* (it looks awesome)...and am now in the process of making cookies to take back to my dorm girls...


All the while listening to Disney songs and randomly dancing and jumping around my kitchen...*sigh*....it's good to be home...

But I can't wait to get back to my new home...

I miss all the girls...the loudness (sort of, anyway hehe)...the general atmosphere of acceptance and fun...the freedom...the random yelling...


Ahh dorm life *grins*

But tomorrow, I'll be headed back...it feels like it's been ages...but it's really been less than 48 hours...

Strange...

*sigh*

Ahh well...it is what it is...




Man, these cookies are good!!! Peanut butter pudding cookies with chocolate chips...it's like a Reese's cup in cookie form...and supremely soft as well...perfection, if I do say so myself...which I just did...hehe

I wonder how many will actually make it back to school...hehe...these are so good...I'm going to make myself sick...

Must

Resist

Cookies!!!!


Mhm....delicious!!!!!



...Is it bad that I just realized how late it was? I honestly didn't realize it was even past 8 o'clock...let alone almost 11...

Wow...my mind has wandered...



I'm again admiring the effects of Kool-Aid on my hair...while the top of my hair is still fairly dark, the tips are quite red...one stripe, when wet, looks almost hot pink...it's amazing *grins stupidly*...I love it...

I wonder how long it will last this time...hmm...hopefully a couple weeks...I love this color...i wonder what I'd look like if my whole head was the lightest color...hmm...may have to try that someday...

"G...G A S T....G A S T O...oh....GASTON!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yup...been listening to Disney songs for way too long for one day...*grins*...but I am okay with that..hehe...



Alright....falling asleep while I'm typing...I take that as a sign to go to bed...goodnight, world!

See you bright and early in the morning......

It's Days Like These That Make Me Truly Happy...

Today's been pretty good :-)

Got up this morning and the weather was b-e-a-utiful!!!! Wow, Abba...thank you...it was gorgeous

Went to Calvary and saw almost everyone...my gingerbestfriend was a no-go :-( but then I got to go to Fairlawn and see everyone there too! Today's service...I don't know...God hit me with a spiritual 2 x 4 or something...couldn't stop crying...and then the band played this one song..."I am absolutely in love with You..."...started crying harder...but that time it was tears of joy and thanks...

By the way, thank you...to my friend for praying with me, to the lady next to me at the alter for praying over me, and to the girl who sat next to me who I am slowly getting to know better...thanks to you especially...for holding my hand and telling me it's gonna be okay...I really needed to hear that...God shone through you today...again, I can't say thank you enough...

Wow...Abba, You sure have been busy with me today...and I mean that in the best possible way...You've been reminding me of a lot of things...

Like having me run into my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. McConnell and my brother's 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Pelton (who is the wife of my 9th grade computer teacher) while in at Sam's Club. Mrs. McConnell asked if I was doing well and I told her about college. She asked what my major was and I told her English Education. Then she just smiled and said, "You've always been a writer. I knew you were going to go far." This is when my mother jumped in to brag about my achievements with TeenInk, (which I still can't believe I'm VIP now!!!!) but the whole time, I was standing there in a daze. My old teacher's words filled me with a sense of awe and disbelief...I don't remember writing much when I was in 6th grade...she knew I was going to go far? How? Once she heard my (unbelievable) TeenInk experience, she gave me a hug and said she was proud of me and that she was glad she'd be right about me. That just kinda took my breath away...

Here I was thinking she wouldn't even remember me (I mean, it has been seven years...) but not only did she remember me...she was proud of my accomplishments and had faith in me all these years...

....mind blown....

As we parted ways, she told me to keep in touch and I promised I'd drop in for a visit sometime...I really did love her...probably one of my all-time favorite teachers...I look forward to seeing her again...

Mom and I had some grand adventures today :-)

I couldn't believe it...if I pointed out something I craved or thought I needed for school, it was promptly plopped in the cart and paid for.

I was rather spoiled today...without a doubt...

And am now set for like a month when it comes to food :-)

I love my mom...

I truly do...

Sure, we have rough patches....and our relationship isn't always the best...and yes, she's kinda crazy...but I love her...

....Pause....

....it's brownie baking time :-)