As I sit writing my Lifespan paper, I'm listening to my It's Your Love radio station on Pandora. All the good, classic country love songs make me think of him...I miss him. We've barely been able to spend time together lately...our lives have just gotten so busy. So I've been letting my mind wander...remembering some of my favorite times with him (like when we were at his aunt's house for the 4th of July and we rode out across her land on a 4-wheeler...or that day we used our SHARP passes to skip school and we went to the zoo and the trails...). Each song that played just made me miss him more...made my heart skip a couple beats as I thought about how much I love him and how I can't believe God gave him to me, especially since we're both still so young.
And then Tim McGraw's song "My Little Girl" came on...and all my happy memories disappeared...
That was the song Mom and I had always talked about being the song for the daddy/daughter dance at my wedding...
It was one of the few country songs that my dad was okay with...and that was only because of what the song talked about...not the artist or the actual music.
I couldn't skip that song fast enough.
You know what song came up next?
"Stay" by Sugarland
That's a cheating song... and not just any cheating song. A cheating song from the point of view of the other woman.
Now I know how the song ends...she decides she's not going to be the other woman anymore, she's done asking him to stay.
But still...
Yeah...because I totally wanted to go from my mushy gushy lovey dovey thoughts to...remembering my life, at least when it comes to my family, is broken and will never be the way it used to be. It's been two years since Dad cheated on Mom with Shannon...but the pain is still so fresh, there are days it takes my breath away.
Back when my parents first got married, and they were still in love...I used to look at them, at my dad stopping to buy my mom purple roses after work, my mom making dad apple crisp in the summer because it was his favorite, the two of them sitting on the back porch, mom's head on his shoulder, dad's arm around her as they just sat and enjoyed nature and the company of each other...I used to look at them and hope someday I would have a love like that...
I don't want a love like that if it just leads to where I am now.
But my Abba gave me my man...and even though we've had our ups and downs, I know our love is different than that of my parents...our love is the kind that I truly wanted...the kind that does all those things...but doesn't sour. Instead, my love for my man grows stronger each day...I swear when I die, it's going to be because my heart burst because it couldn't get any fuller...hehe
*sigh*
Okay, I feel better now...back to my Lifespan paper.
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