My name is not Atlas; I cannot carry the world on my shoulders anymore

...I've never been one for confrontation or stirring the pot...


But I just can't take this anymore...and I feel like no matter what I would say to you, you're too wrapped in your newfound "happiness" to actually hear what I'm trying to tell you...



It's not often that my feelings about people are wrong...it's like my very own Spidey sense...and boy, is it tingling right now...


Anytime I'm around him, it's like the world is shaking and the lines are blurring...and not in a good way.


And it's not just me! Most of the people I know who have met him say he just rubs them the wrong way or they get a bad or creepy feeling from him.



I can't escape him...he's always around. It's almost like my Shadow Man has come to life...in the form of my mother's new boyfriend...


Now, I'm fighting myself. I want my mother to be happy...and this man makes her happy. He dotes on my sister and gets along with my brother. He helps around the house and gives my mother the laughter and company she's needed for so long.


But I can't handle being around him for long periods of time...which is all I'm stuck with since he's pretty much living at our house. I don't say that lightly. He sleeps at our house. He eats at our house. He leaves for work from our house and comes back to our house after work. The only he hasn't done is actually move all his stuff in...which we don't have the room for.


I know I need to talk to Mom about how I'm feeling but I also know her...she'll just discredit everything I say because they're "just feelings" and "I'm happy now and you should be happy about that"...I bet she'll even go so far as to use the whole "I'm still your mother and you have to do what I say" argument.



But I'm 19 now. I've been taking of myself for over the past year without any help from any of my family. And it's not like I don't have a place to go. I do. I've actually been urged to move in tomorrow..."don't take it slow; move out now and treat it like a Band-Aid". But I just can't do that to my mom. And I need to give the people I'd be moving in with more notice than that. This really can't be something I do just because of some feelings I have about my mom's boyfriend. I need to talk to my mom first...and my siblings...I need to explain this to them. I don't want my kids to think I'm abandoning them like Dad abandoned us. I wish I didn't have to leave them there to deal with my mom's mess all on their own...they're too young.


...I can't do this...


I just...can't...



Abba...