I don't even have to close my eyes and I can picture the nightmares waiting for me tonight. They hide in the shadows of room, they call out to me from every corner and cervice. They're waiting, arms open to greet me like old lovers seeking a warm reunion...
But they will not win me tonight...
I truly hate how my imagination plays games with my sanity. I know I had an imaginary friend growing up and my friends and I would spend hours upon hours creating games and acting out stories...but geesh...nothing was ever taken this far...
No...the Shadow Man enjoys visiting me...he enjoys waiting in the darkness of my mind, giving me hope that he has left only to reappear at my highest (or most stressed) point in life...
He's like a stain upon my conciousness...or unconciousness I should say...since I only see him in my nightmares...though his presence lingers on in the daytime...
Is it sad that part of me finds it funny how, if someone who didn't know me very well read this...what would they think? That'd I'd lost my marble, gone off the deep end, my lightbulb burnt out or my hamster stopped running...something along those lines...
Ahh, my friend, you would be close to the truth...except that I have never been sane...just basking in my own type of insanity...but that's normal these days...Ha! Normal...normal is just a setting on a washing machine...
Abba, I know You're with me...I know that's why the Shadow Man keeps his distance. I am safe in Your arms...no matter what. So I ask you, Abba...no, tonight I beg...hold me closer than ever...let me fall into a dreamless sleep tonight so that I may be rested for my final in the morning...so that the Shadow Man may once again disappear...
Can I bring my angel into this? He's so wonderful...so amazing...I don't know how I got so lucky...
Yet another thing to prove to me that You are good and You will always take care of me and give me what I need, Abba...I've known him almost my whole life, he's been right in front of me this whole time...and You've just been bidding your time...waiting to show me that he was mine and I am his...
Somehow he puts up with my crazy outbursts...mhm...
I love sleeping by his side...the few occassions when we've napped next to each other or when one or the other has fallen asleep on the other's lap...no matter what the circumstance is, it's always the best sleep I've had in ages...when I'm with him, I feel safe...and the Shadow Man shrinks deeper into his corner...my angel protects me...just by holding me while I sleep...just an added bonus for the wonderful feeling of being in his arms...mhm...
I wish he could sit with me tonight until I fell asleep...I would feel so much safer, Abba...though I do not doubt Your power...but alas, it is not meant to be...the rules would not stand for it and neither would decorum...no, it is not time for that yet...
It should be time for sleeping though...but I still cannot rest easy...
So I'll lay here and watch The Prince of Eygpt, letting the beautiful story and gorgeous music lull me into a peaceful bliss so that I may sleep...
"Hush now, my baby. Be still, love, don't cry. Sleep as you're rocked by the stream. Sleep and remember my last lullaby and I'll be with you when you dream..."
*sigh of relief*
Thank You, Abba...for everything...
No comments:
Post a Comment