It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

I've only been back a couple days and I'm already sick of this new schedule...

My days consist of class after class broken up by hour-long breaks...long enough to eat or catch up on reading but not really long enough to take a much needed nap or get a much needed hug. After classes, I head to work til 8 o'clock, with the exception of Mondays, when I have a night class and choral union instead. By the time I get back to my dorm, all I want to do is curl up in his arms and fall asleep...unfortunately, that's not an option. Not just because of the rules around here but because he has practice and when he's done with that, he goes to bed because he gets up so early for work. *sigh*

It's like we're living at completely different times...and honestly, it's frustrating the hell outta me...if this is how the rest of the semester is going to be...*shakes head*...


I'm really worried about him anyway...a couple Sundays ago, he seemed like he really need to hear God say something...then he had some BIG questions a few nights ago...and now, he's asked me to be praying for him...he doesn't do that unless something is really wrong...but I don't know what it is! I really just want to take him somewhere so we can talk...I want to help him, to support him, to be there by his side as he walks the path the Lord has set before him...even if he can't see where the path leads. Part of the reason why I so look forward to being his wife...I'll get to do all that...mhm...I can't wait...anyway...I'm really, really worried about him...

I can't ever seem to tell him that though because I never see him...and he's not very good about answering his phone...or text messages...which can be rather frustrating when I'm trying to have a conversation with him.


I was so excited to get to see him tonight...I didn't even care that I'd have to share him because he wanted to get a Tripoley group together. I was even more excited after my day at work because of everything that happened there. I just wanted to share it with him. But he got out of play practice late and then went straight back to his place...all I ended up getting was a "goodnight" and "pray for me" sort of text...talk about mood killer...for one, I miss him like crazy and for two, now I'm concerned about him. But no...he's probably sound asleep by now and if I do see him tomorrow, it'll be during chapel...yay...


*sigh*


Abba, please...give me patience and strength to deal with whatever comes my way. And please, be with him. Give him the knowledge he's looking for and peace to deal with what he can't. Wrap him in your loving arms and shine your light upon him. Keep him safe. And help me to support and help him in any way possible and help me to show him how much he means to me. Help me be the woman he deserves. And please, Abba, be with us as we journey forth into the uncharted (for us) territory of engagement and eventually, marriage. Guide us, lead us, watch over us, and love us as we journey along. Thank you, Abba, for everything you've done for me, for him, for the both of us. You are truly amazing. Amen

And cue sigh of relief

I feel like I can breathe again. It wasn't until we got back on campus that I realized just how much I missed this place...


Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVED being home...and I was sad to leave...but this is my home now. Not that my house has been much of a home in the past two years...more of a disaster area...but I survived...that's probably why I acclimated to college so easily. Because, in my mind, I was already here...


It's good to be back...


Now if I can just stay...stupid money...why do you have to be so important? Because this is a greedy world and the more green, the happier people are...bleck.


Thanks to some wonderful angels on earth, I'll be here for at least a month...hopefully I have work well under way by then and I'll be getting some paychecks to cover everything...may not be driving anywhere for a couple months but hey, I'll be at school...



Speaking of school, I need to get to bed...I have an early morning tomorrow tracking everyone down that I need information or papers from...then off to pay and then chapel...and then! Off to Teaching Young Adult Literature *grins* I am so excited for that class!!!! Then I need to see when I'm on the schedule for work...maybe even get some hours in tomorrow...


Well...my roommate has disappeared...but I'm going to bed anyways...goodnight, world...



EDIT:

Also, I would like to add that choir went better than I thought...so did breaking the "big news" to my friends *grins* it so nice to see people who are as excited about the engagement as I am instead of being told I'm " too young", "not ready", or "rushing things". To everyone who I talked to at choir, thank you...your reactions were exactly what I needed. Love you guys...


And now....goodnight...

*shout of happiness* times a billion

I AM ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



TO THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





My cheeks hurt...I can't stop smiling once I say that...I am engaged...*sigh of happiness*


Thank you, Abba...for everything...I am so blessed...

Ever sighing, ever dying...

Thank You, Abba...for staying by my side throughout the night...


Sweet dreamless sleep...


Now, Abba...I ask you to be with me over the next hour...keep me focused and give me the trust in myself I need to remember the answers...please?


*sigh*

Just one more day...

Curse my overactive imagination...

I don't even have to close my eyes and I can picture the nightmares waiting for me tonight. They hide in the shadows of room, they call out to me from every corner and cervice. They're waiting, arms open to greet me like old lovers seeking a warm reunion...


But they will not win me tonight...


I truly hate how my imagination plays games with my sanity. I know I had an imaginary friend growing up and my friends and I would spend hours upon hours creating games and acting out stories...but geesh...nothing was ever taken this far...


No...the Shadow Man enjoys visiting me...he enjoys waiting in the darkness of my mind, giving me hope that he has left only to reappear at my highest (or most stressed) point in life...

He's like a stain upon my conciousness...or unconciousness I should say...since I only see him in my nightmares...though his presence lingers on in the daytime...


Is it sad that part of me finds it funny how, if someone who didn't know me very well read this...what would they think? That'd I'd lost my marble, gone off the deep end, my lightbulb burnt out or my hamster stopped running...something along those lines...


Ahh, my friend, you would be close to the truth...except that I have never been sane...just basking in my own type of insanity...but that's normal these days...Ha! Normal...normal is just a setting on a washing machine...


Abba, I know You're with me...I know that's why the Shadow Man keeps his distance. I am safe in Your arms...no matter what. So I ask you, Abba...no, tonight I beg...hold me closer than ever...let me fall into a dreamless sleep tonight so that I may be rested for my final in the morning...so that the Shadow Man may once again disappear...


Can I bring my angel into this? He's so wonderful...so amazing...I don't know how I got so lucky...

Yet another thing to prove to me that You are good and You will always take care of me and give me what I need, Abba...I've known him almost my whole life, he's been right in front of me this whole time...and You've just been bidding your time...waiting to show me that he was mine and I am his...


Somehow he puts up with my crazy outbursts...mhm...


I love sleeping by his side...the few occassions when we've napped next to each other or when one or the other has fallen asleep on the other's lap...no matter what the circumstance is, it's always the best sleep I've had in ages...when I'm with him, I feel safe...and the Shadow Man shrinks deeper into his corner...my angel protects me...just by holding me while I sleep...just an added bonus for the wonderful feeling of being in his arms...mhm...


I wish he could sit with me tonight until I fell asleep...I would feel so much safer, Abba...though I do not doubt Your power...but alas, it is not meant to be...the rules would not stand for it and neither would decorum...no, it is not time for that yet...


It should be time for sleeping though...but I still cannot rest easy...


So I'll lay here and watch The Prince of Eygpt, letting the beautiful story and gorgeous music lull me into a peaceful bliss so that I may sleep...

"Hush now, my baby. Be still, love, don't cry. Sleep as you're rocked by the stream. Sleep and remember my last lullaby and I'll be with you when you dream..."


*sigh of relief*


Thank You, Abba...for everything...

You have GOT to be kidding me

So...3 bombs and 2 fire alarms later...the entire freshman girls' dorm is awake and out for blood...



Dear boys who decided to be jerkwads last night,
For real??!?!?!! What the HELL were you thinking??? No, they weren't threatening but that was still the stupidest thing you could have done. Whoever you are, be warned. Once we find out who you are, you will be sorry. Somehow you managed to not wake me up but you woke the rest of the dorm...and you will pay for stupidity. Easy as that.



And dear firefighters,
I apologize for having to come to the dorm twice within an hour for nothing. Especially since Campus Safety has NO idea why it went off either time. It went off in two rooms next to each other but they said there was clear evidence that all the occupants were sleeping and not doing anything to cause the alarms to go off.


Ugh....I'm ticked and I don't even have any finals today...I feel awful for those who do have finals...the past 12 hours have been hell....perfect... *grimaces*



And today was supposed to be my easiest day this week...cool story, bro...


Didn't even get to go back to sleep...might as well start the day now...I can get some packing done...



ONLY 2 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thank God...

And the rain rain rain came down down down...

Woke up this morning and really didn't want to move...



I'm really getting tired of these restless nights (no pun intended). I don't even know what's causing all of it.



It could be finals...but I'm not stressed about any of them. They're all going to be cake. I'm just counting down the days til I can go home and rest...have a REAL break...


So long as I get through today, I'll be okay...


Class at 8, chapel at 9:30, enrolling on my break, New Testament final at 12:15, work from 2 to 4, then a very short break, work again from 5 to 8, 8:30ish...bleck...after that a shower and hopefully seeing mein Engel...*smiles*...mhm...


It amazes me, how after all this time, my heart still flutters at the thought of getting to see him...I've seen so many couples where their love dissipated over time...my love for him is only growing...every day I look at him and think "how did I get so lucky?"


Thank you, Abba...for everything you have given me...but especially for giving me him...



Mhm...and now my short break is over...off into the rain and away to chapel and then the rest of my day...goody...Abba, give me the strength to get through today...I can collapse tomorrow...