*shout of happiness* times a billion

I AM ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



TO THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





My cheeks hurt...I can't stop smiling once I say that...I am engaged...*sigh of happiness*


Thank you, Abba...for everything...I am so blessed...

Ever sighing, ever dying...

Thank You, Abba...for staying by my side throughout the night...


Sweet dreamless sleep...


Now, Abba...I ask you to be with me over the next hour...keep me focused and give me the trust in myself I need to remember the answers...please?


*sigh*

Just one more day...

Curse my overactive imagination...

I don't even have to close my eyes and I can picture the nightmares waiting for me tonight. They hide in the shadows of room, they call out to me from every corner and cervice. They're waiting, arms open to greet me like old lovers seeking a warm reunion...


But they will not win me tonight...


I truly hate how my imagination plays games with my sanity. I know I had an imaginary friend growing up and my friends and I would spend hours upon hours creating games and acting out stories...but geesh...nothing was ever taken this far...


No...the Shadow Man enjoys visiting me...he enjoys waiting in the darkness of my mind, giving me hope that he has left only to reappear at my highest (or most stressed) point in life...

He's like a stain upon my conciousness...or unconciousness I should say...since I only see him in my nightmares...though his presence lingers on in the daytime...


Is it sad that part of me finds it funny how, if someone who didn't know me very well read this...what would they think? That'd I'd lost my marble, gone off the deep end, my lightbulb burnt out or my hamster stopped running...something along those lines...


Ahh, my friend, you would be close to the truth...except that I have never been sane...just basking in my own type of insanity...but that's normal these days...Ha! Normal...normal is just a setting on a washing machine...


Abba, I know You're with me...I know that's why the Shadow Man keeps his distance. I am safe in Your arms...no matter what. So I ask you, Abba...no, tonight I beg...hold me closer than ever...let me fall into a dreamless sleep tonight so that I may be rested for my final in the morning...so that the Shadow Man may once again disappear...


Can I bring my angel into this? He's so wonderful...so amazing...I don't know how I got so lucky...

Yet another thing to prove to me that You are good and You will always take care of me and give me what I need, Abba...I've known him almost my whole life, he's been right in front of me this whole time...and You've just been bidding your time...waiting to show me that he was mine and I am his...


Somehow he puts up with my crazy outbursts...mhm...


I love sleeping by his side...the few occassions when we've napped next to each other or when one or the other has fallen asleep on the other's lap...no matter what the circumstance is, it's always the best sleep I've had in ages...when I'm with him, I feel safe...and the Shadow Man shrinks deeper into his corner...my angel protects me...just by holding me while I sleep...just an added bonus for the wonderful feeling of being in his arms...mhm...


I wish he could sit with me tonight until I fell asleep...I would feel so much safer, Abba...though I do not doubt Your power...but alas, it is not meant to be...the rules would not stand for it and neither would decorum...no, it is not time for that yet...


It should be time for sleeping though...but I still cannot rest easy...


So I'll lay here and watch The Prince of Eygpt, letting the beautiful story and gorgeous music lull me into a peaceful bliss so that I may sleep...

"Hush now, my baby. Be still, love, don't cry. Sleep as you're rocked by the stream. Sleep and remember my last lullaby and I'll be with you when you dream..."


*sigh of relief*


Thank You, Abba...for everything...

You have GOT to be kidding me

So...3 bombs and 2 fire alarms later...the entire freshman girls' dorm is awake and out for blood...



Dear boys who decided to be jerkwads last night,
For real??!?!?!! What the HELL were you thinking??? No, they weren't threatening but that was still the stupidest thing you could have done. Whoever you are, be warned. Once we find out who you are, you will be sorry. Somehow you managed to not wake me up but you woke the rest of the dorm...and you will pay for stupidity. Easy as that.



And dear firefighters,
I apologize for having to come to the dorm twice within an hour for nothing. Especially since Campus Safety has NO idea why it went off either time. It went off in two rooms next to each other but they said there was clear evidence that all the occupants were sleeping and not doing anything to cause the alarms to go off.


Ugh....I'm ticked and I don't even have any finals today...I feel awful for those who do have finals...the past 12 hours have been hell....perfect... *grimaces*



And today was supposed to be my easiest day this week...cool story, bro...


Didn't even get to go back to sleep...might as well start the day now...I can get some packing done...



ONLY 2 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thank God...

And the rain rain rain came down down down...

Woke up this morning and really didn't want to move...



I'm really getting tired of these restless nights (no pun intended). I don't even know what's causing all of it.



It could be finals...but I'm not stressed about any of them. They're all going to be cake. I'm just counting down the days til I can go home and rest...have a REAL break...


So long as I get through today, I'll be okay...


Class at 8, chapel at 9:30, enrolling on my break, New Testament final at 12:15, work from 2 to 4, then a very short break, work again from 5 to 8, 8:30ish...bleck...after that a shower and hopefully seeing mein Engel...*smiles*...mhm...


It amazes me, how after all this time, my heart still flutters at the thought of getting to see him...I've seen so many couples where their love dissipated over time...my love for him is only growing...every day I look at him and think "how did I get so lucky?"


Thank you, Abba...for everything you have given me...but especially for giving me him...



Mhm...and now my short break is over...off into the rain and away to chapel and then the rest of my day...goody...Abba, give me the strength to get through today...I can collapse tomorrow...

HOW DARE YOU!

How dare you jump all over her for my choices?! How dare you make her feel like pure dirt when she has done nothing, NOTHING to deserve it??!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!



If I didn't hold to my upbringing when it comes to respecting my elders, so help me...I would actually punch you.


Say what you want about me. I am strong enough to handle whatever you throw my way. I honestly don't care what you say anymore. She, on the other hand, is weak when it comes to self-confidence. You have drilled into her since she was small that she will never be enough for you. Never. Really?


No one is perfect. Everyone has their own issues. But you set yourself above the rest of us and  put us down constantly. We're not good enough.


Guess what.


I don't care if I'm not good enough for you.


I am good enough for my God and for others. I don't need you if all you're going to do is tell me how wrong I am, how much I'm messing up my life.


Screw. You.

T G I F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!



I GET TO GO HOME FOR THE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*happy dance*




So while I wait for my guy to get out of choir so we can leave, I sit and listen to German pop music....I believe they call that a win *grins*