A new leaf has turned over; the sun is coming out again

Well...that was a mess.


But we talked through it and things are going to change.

I started writing on here again and said I was going to change. But change hasn't really happened. Not any good change anyway.


Looking back through my posts, I see a lot of ranting and hurt and anger and jealousy and insecurity and that's going to stop. That was poisoning me from the inside out. But I was blaming him.


No more.


That's done.

This time, I mean it when I say things are going to change. I won't have it any other way. Lord knows I can be as stubborn as they come. This will be one of those times. No more negativity.


I have some plans.


I'm going to get a notebook. Each morning, I'm going to write at least one positive thing down to think about during the day and, before I go to bed at night, I'm going to write down one positive thing that happened during the day.


I'm going to start reading my Bible every day again...and doing a devotion. I started doing that a few months ago and it was glorious. I don't know why I stopped but I'm going to start again.


I'm going to make it a conscious to laugh at something every day. Like a real laugh. I've missed laughing...and smiling...I'm going to do those again.


These are just some little things I've thought of. I think they'll help. They have in the past.


I'm also going to get the number of my school's counseling center. I know there isn't much time left in the school year but maybe I can work a session or two into my schedule...we'll see. I'm going to try. If not, next year. It's happening. I might try to find a place somewhere back home.


Anyway...I need to change. I almost lost him again because I had let myself get so lost in my own feelings and insecurities. That's dumb. I'm not going to lose him to that. I"m changing. Because I love him and deserves so much better...I deserve better too. I don't deserve to be lost inside the darkness anymore...I'm climbing out into the sun.


A new leaf has turned over, my friends, my world has begun again.