Hmm....

Is it weird that I find tragic heartbreak songs some of the most beautiful?


No, that's not some cry for help or a secret statement of doubt in my relationship...


Good grief, no...considering I can't get enough of that boy and my heart just sorta sighs with happiness every time I see him...



It's just that those songs are...so haunting and...full of honest emotion...


Here's a good example:

See what I mean? The lyrics are just so sad...but it's a beautiful song...and one that sticks in your head.

Hmm...just a question I had...maybe I'm just a sucker for a happy ending (uh duh) and the fact that the people in these kind of songs don't get a happy ending tugs at my heartstrings...

Makes sense...



Always Only You

I heard this song...and I thought of him right away...



Abba, You've been sneaky...after all these years...and he's been right in front of me the whole time...mhm...


Thank you, Abba...for this wonderful man that I can call my own...



And babe...it will be always only you...

Let those prayers roll down your cheeks...

I both love and hate coming home...


I love it because that means seeing so many faces that I've missed terribly...eating delicious homecooked foods...showering in water that stays warm...






But then I hate it...because it means crying and remembering and dealing with everything I've pushed away for the past couple months as I've tried to start fresh...


It means listening to the worries and sorrows that I've tried so hard to ignore...it means seeing the looks of pity....the hugs meant to be comforting but really just anger me...


I hate it because when I'm home...I become the stronger one...the who's made her own way so she can take care us one...the one who plays the devil's advocate and listens to all sides and questions and tries to come to a conclusion...

But I can't do that anymore...I just can't handle it...I reached my breaking point months ago...how I've still managed to hold on is just...all God...my Abba is the only reason I haven't crashed yet...


Sitting here, the song "7 x 70" comes to mind...


I've been living in this house here
Since the day that I was born
These walls have seen me happy
But most of all they've seen me torn

They've heard the screaming matches
That made a family fall apart
They've had a front row seat
To the breaking of my heart

7 times 70 times
I'll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times
There's healing in the air tonight
I'm reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around

I remember running downt the hallway
Playing hide and seek
I didn't know what I was searching
For someone to notice me

I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to understand
Just when I'm s'posed to be learning  to love you
Let me doubt again

7 times 70 times
I'll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times
There's healing in the air tonight
I'm reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around

I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren't around
I'm alright now

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And that's forgive you
I forgive you

7 times 70 times
If that's the cost, I'll pay the price
7 times 70 times
I'll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times
There's healing in the air tonight
I'm reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around
Yeah, I'm gonna wrap it all around

I've been living in this house here
Since the day that I was born...

I'm afraid I'm only at the verses, Abba...I guess my heart and mind are still so wrapped up in all the suffering I've been through the past couple years...I've spent so much time trying to make others feel better or trying to forget...that all those feelings have just grown and festered inside me...and now they're eating me alive from the inside out...


Every song I hear, every place I go...something somehow reminds me of some memory from the last two years...even the bad times that have been made right...even those still haunt me...



I just want it all to go away, Abba...



I want to forgive and forget so I can move on with my life...can You show me how? Will You stand by me and help me through it all?


I know it's going to hurt, Abba...but it will be like walking on clouds compared to what I've already been through...


Please, Abba...that's all I want...come into my heart and clean it out...make it fresh and new and all for You...make me white as snow again...please...










You don't need to run
You don't need to speak
Baby, take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheeks.
It may be tomorrow
You'll be past the sorrow
But tonight, it's alright...

Just cry...













*sigh of relief*

Sweet sigh of relief...

Wow...it's been...way too long since I've written anything on here...


...*facepalm*...


Guess I need to work on my blogging skills hehe...







...Ahh...



Today was a good day *smiles*



Spent some time adventuring on Mass Street with my little "sister"...


Watched our school football team dominate their way through the first playoff game...


Went to the mall with my amazing and wonderful boyfriend then had dinner at a delicious Italian restaurant I'd never tried before...then movie watching, cuddling and SuperSmashing afterwards...



Mhm...I love spending time with him...some people give me crap because I spend so much time with him...but 1) we've been dating for almost 2 years...yeah we're going to hang out a lot and 2) he's not just my boyfriend, he's one of my best friends and 3) he knows me better than almost anyone and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him...as much as possible...


If you don't like that, then get over it...



Just like what I say to people when they act all shocked and appalled when he kisses me goodnight...umm hello, boyfriend and girlfriend for almost 2 years and have gotten pretty serious here...plus we BOTH have the love language of Physical Touch...so yeah...get over it...



Just saying...



Anyways...



Mhm...also...I love him...like a lot...a lot a lot...I have the ability to get really mushy and lovey dovey where he's concerned...just thought I'd warn you...in case I haven't already...



Mhm...



It's a wonderful feeling...to be so comfortable around another person that you completely forget to keep up all appearances you use in public...all the masks slip away and you can be...yourself...without any worries...it's such a freeing feeling...so beautiful...and precious...


I am so lucky...he'll argue, saying HE's the lucky one...but I say I'm lucky too...to have this kind of relationship with someone...after all this time and all our history...we're still here, together...and I fall in love with him a little more every day...being with him I feel whole...like my soul just kind of woke up and said, "Oh! There you are! I've been looking for you...".

I can't imagine myself with anyone else...and even though there's still that dark little corner doubting something so rare and beautiful can last (especially after what I've seen)...he comes in and changes my mind, reminding me that love is real and what we have is love and it's there and here to stay...


He's my saving grace, in that respect...showing me that love still exists....thank you, Abba, for giving us this chance...for showing me, through him, that love is still real and honest and true...


Being with him....it's like I can breathe...


It's a sweet sigh of relief...and pure joy...


Perfection *smiles*

Have you ever really, really ever loved a woman?

- Be careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of man's rib. Not from his foot to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved. -


I find that to be an interesting quote...



I like the idea that woman was made from the rib, not the foot to be walked on, not the head to be superior, but from the side to be equal.


When a man and woman are in a relationship, it should be equal. Not one person taking care of or walking all over the other.


Think two people jumping into each other's arms at the same time...

That should be what love is like



I am very thankful that after all the broken love that I've experienced in my life, that God is still showing me what a wonderful and beautiful thing love can be...


*warning: severe mushiness ahead*



Just the fact that He's given me mein Engel is enough...



The two of us have pretty much been through hell and back during our relationship...


But we're still going strong...and unless God Himself says otherwise, that's not going to change...


It amazes me every day that I can look into his eyes and see his love for me shining back at me...his smile still makes my heart sing...and hearing him say he loves me still take my breath away...and it's been almost 18 months...still going strong...I'll never grow tired of hearing it...and I'll never grow tired of telling him how much I love him either...


*I told you it was gonna get mushy*


Mhm....I really want to keep going on this thought thread...but I have five 13 year old girls to get to bed...*sigh*...so I must stop for now...

The songs are speaking to me...again...

First, Lenka's "The Show" popped up on my Pandora playlist and when I looked at the lyrics, part of it jsut kind of hit me...

And then later, while working on my reading reports for New Testament, I had another playlist playing and Josh Wilson's "Saviour Please" came on and my heart just melted...

I love days like this...when the music I hear just bubbles up inside of me and gives me that little bit of peace I needed to make it through the day...


Thank You, Abba...



for the music playing in my head,

for the piles of leaves on the ground

for the clear sky and shining sun

for my friends and family

for my love

for the hope You've given me

for the strength I'm finding again

for everything...

I wish science was fiction...at least at 8 in the morning

This science class is going to kill me...



What an awful way to die!